I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
