I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize