And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
