Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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