I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
