Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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