This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
