shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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