she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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