How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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