You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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