so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
