so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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