I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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