we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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