im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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