i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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