I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
