Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
