Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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