just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
then he tried to convert me to islam
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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