Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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