The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
