my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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