I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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