one might say we're banned from that church
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
