ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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