I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize