I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
