also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize