When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
why is half of my head shaved?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
