two words: eviction party
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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