wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
