i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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