They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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