Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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