so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
