You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
