I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
