Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
