Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
