My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Pants are for mortals
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
