Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
