I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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