why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
