Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
