Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize