You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
