so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it's like iHOP with fire
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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