finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
