I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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