I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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