STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
