Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
