Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
