I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
