Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also, beer. Big fan.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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