If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
her facebook's as public as her vagina
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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