And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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