Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
