went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize