not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
