You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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