lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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