...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
