there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
