as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
