sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
