No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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