There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
