I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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