yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
