how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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