I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
