Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
