A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize