Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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