I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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