she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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