I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
