I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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