Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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