I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
