His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
