I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I am one with the molecules
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
