he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
