U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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