I wish I could teleport
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
