My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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